Derealization

I'm not sure what to make of life. I feel I'm not really connected to much but thoughts, ideas. I don't feel I have a physical, tangible identity. I am not my actions, my appearance.. I am just a collection of thoughts. I try to find stability, connection, in doing things, but nothing feels real. Nothing feels like it really grabs me and shakes me as something critical, important, or lasting. Nothing seems to matter. Why is this? Is it because nothing does matter? Is it because I've not lived the way I should, for things to matter? Do I make things matter by changing my reality? Is changing my thought process, my attitude, enough, or do I need to actually change the physical actions, the environment, the outside look of my life? 

I wish I didn't see as much as I see, or think as much as I think. I wish I was like the others around me, going on halfway happy, or at least content, with the state of their lives, their days.

I need something real. I need something spiritual. The more I try to find it within myself, the further away it flits, a fairy dancing in the grass which gets taller the closer I approach. So either I am thinking wrong, or I am becoming more aware of the unhappiness that is my outside life. What is it? What do I do? Where do I go? I no longer feel a strong path beneath my feet. It's at times literally nauseating to have this floating feeling, no anchors to any particular thing. Am I adjusting to spiritual freedom, or drifting away from sense? Where do I find purpose in this experience?