A Year Over Three

So I've got one final left then I'll officially be a junior. Alright, maybe not until the end of the week when they tally GPA and all that jazz, but I will be mentally and functionally finished with this year.  It really is a big deal, to move on, to go to a state of higher status, respect, and power when I can still remember those first few Freshman days so vividly. To think, only one more graduation and then my own. Wow. 

Every freshman now has to go through this little mentoring program called S.H.I.F.T., which means something along the lines of Students Helping Incoming Freshmen Transition, but don't quote me on that. Basically each kid gets a mentor for the first semester that helps them learn the ropes of high school, how to manage time, help with homework, and generally get acquainted. To become a mentor you have to be going into Junior or Senior year and go through a fairly selective application process.  The day before school starts, the mentees meet with their mentors for what we call "Time Trials," and the mentors show the freshmen their classes, the way around the school, how to sign in and out, where the restrooms are, etc.  As a freshman, I asked my mentor, who was a senior that year, "So, does it go by fast?" referring to high school. She replied, "Yeah, it really does, I can't believe I'm already a senior! You've just gotta enjoy it while it lasts." At the time I didn't really believe her, but I'm starting to see the truth in her words. Next year I'll get my own mentees.

Each year seems to be shorter than the last.  I'll be out of here in no time, so it would be foolish to cry about the annoying pricks that come from walking through the field of adolescence barefooted. Not when there are those flowers, few and sickly, but still there, beautiful, deserving a thoughtful glance. You have to walk, no matter your pace, no matter where your eyes are set, so you may as well be seeing something more pleasant than not.


I just signed up to take a biology course at our local community college this summer.  Hopefully I'll do well and be able to take Biology II next summer, completing a whole year of biology before I even go off to that dreamy land. I won't need to take AP Bio at school because I'll already have its equivalent in college credits, without having to score high on the AP test. I'll be taking a college course every fall and spring semester until I graduate high school, and maybe, if I do well on my AP tests and in those classes, I'll be able to go to college, fall of 2013, as a sophomore. Of course it's only a theory, a small chance, but what I really like is the idea of being a 25 year old doctor.

This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms
I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

Manners of Taste

I've noticed too many times that people don't get along because of different interests or preferences. Even those that seem small or trivial can make or break that connection that two friends should have. I think that when you find something little that you and another person have in common, a little part of your soul flickers, and you feel less alone.  It may be small, and those little strings of attachment may come slowly, but over time they can lead to a fantastic friendship. So here I will present to you things that I like, things that I notice, things that make me look outside of myself (or perhaps inside of myself), as well as some things I really don't click with. Honestly this list is more for my enjoyment than anything else, because I like doing introspective things that remind me of just who exactly I am. And besides, I don't have a Facebook, so I can't become a fan of all these things and keep record there.


Likes:

• 70% of music
• Cats
• Tea and coffee
• Ties
• Hats
• Science (especially biological sciences)
• Psychology
• Medicine
• Dancing
• Sunglasses (even though I can rarely wear them)
• Books, TV shows, websites, etc. about medicine
• An open view on religion/spirituality, politics, sexuality, etc.
• Videogames
• Amusement parks (rollercoasters, woot)
• The beauty of a natural world
• Rain on a warm day (especially when I come home on Fridays or wake up on Sundays)
• Learning (not just through conventional methods at school)
• Causing a genuine laugh or smile
• Mankind (I care about people more than plants or animals, sorry. I know some people do awful things but I still believe they're good at heart. Most, at least.)
• That moment at an intersection when all the lights are red
• The innocence of youth
• The way a child's imagination is more real than the world around him
• Birds (especially chickens)
• South Park
• The moon and the stars
• Ladies who cuss (but not excessively)
• Old people who still have that youthful soul
• Wrinkly old men with bright blue eyes
• Haircuts
• Good grades (and valuing education in general)
• Driving my Avenger
• Intelligence
• Grey's Anatomy
• Irony
• Puns
• Random things with little explanation
• Hope
• Hayden Panettiere
• A healthy dose of confidence
• Exercise (once I can motivate myself for it, anyway)
• Dreaming (both awake and asleep)
• Staying busy
• Storms
• Being needed
• Honesty
• Warm weather
• Actually scary movies
• Giving everything in every thing one does (do it right or don't do it at all)
• Mesh shorts (especially black ones)
• Pokemon (the old kind that I grew up with, not the modern stuff)
• Loyalty
• Perseverance
• California
• Blond-haired girls, dark-haired boys
• Knowing about how the world and humans in particular work
• Writing (especially creatively)
• A good home-cooked meal (cheaper, healthier, and tastier than most other options)
• People with a passion (admittedly, I'm a bit biased toward those who have one similar to one of mine)
• Babies of any species
• Appreciation and gratitude for life
• Oregon
• Disney-Pixar movies (Toy Story is my favorite)
• Jack Johnson
• Chapstick (must be with me at all times..I really like the flavored kinds)
• Dinosaurs (Stegosauruses are my favorite animals by far)
• Parodies
• Nerdy, geeky humor
• Deep conversations about life
• That clean feeling right after taking a shower
• Family
• Doing just about everything for a reason (and sometimes that reason is just to have fun)
• People who are true to themselves, whoever that person may be
• Silly things that must have meaning put into them
• Being a bit spontaneous and flexible
• Solitaire and other card games on the computer
• Bike rides
• Art
• Walks outside
• Evenings
• Naps (sometimes outside)
• Power outages
• Stereo Love by Edward Maya
• Candles
• Changing
• Pillow pets
• Hands
• Fire
• Making a positive difference
• The country
• Haunted houses
• Working (sometimes)
• Cute, romantic gestures
• Good quotes
• Innocent pranks
• European culture
• Poetry
• Beanie babies
• Ice cream in any format
• Making connections that are usually not seen by others
• Breathtaking scenery
• Staying up very late
• Being generally straightforward
• Big cities
• Math
• Playing loud music with my windows rolled down
• Being warm
• Holidays
• Sleeping anywhere but a bed
• Being generally positive
• Laughing (especially at inappropriate times)
• Red
• Owls
• Dark humor
• Being taken seriously
• A bit of sarcasm

Things I'm not so crazy about:

• Shallowness
• Drugs, smoking, excessive alcohol
• Doing things only to fit in with others
• Lying
• Trash talking others just for the sake of conversation
• Ignorance
• Most country music (save for Rascal Flatts, Taylor Swift and a handful of other individual songs)
• Most insects and creepy crawly things
• Criminals
• Religious fanatics
• Racists, homophobes, and other close-minded people
• Hiding relationships
• Icy roads
• Snow after December
• Waking up for school
• Being judged for my age
• Dogs that bite and cats that scratch
• Getting in trouble
• Stupid, pointless awards for trivial things like participation
• Wasting time, money, and life
• Cheating in 95% of circumstances
• Overly sexual content
• Driving recklessly
• Excessive/poorly placed piercings and tattoos (more people have facial piercings than those that can pull them off well)
• People who scoff at my dreams
• An inability to move on from the past
• Taking life for granted
• Complaining and whining unless totally appropriate for the situation
• Death
• Dying hair (most of the time)
• Bragging excessively
• Waiting
• Missing school
• Being disturbed while studying or having me-time
• Expecting to be friends again immediately after a breakup
• Hypocrisy (I hate myself sometimes because of it)
• When technology and equipment fail
• Pain (unless its the kind customary to exercise, I sorta like that kind)
• Facebook
• Being cut off in traffic
• Denying nature
• Hatred
• One word replies to texts
• An inability to have a meaningful conversation
• Disrespect
• Disease
• Heartbreak
• Regret
• Not taking advantage of opportunities
• Walking into an avoidable misfortune
• Repeating mistakes
• Mental illnesses
• Change (as in coins. It's so heavy and annoying.)
• The way no one has time for each other
• Bad smells
• Disabilities
• When my phone dies
• Forgetting locker combos or passwords
• Long stretches of time filled with boredom due to a lack of challenges
• Playing a game I just can't ever win
• Incompetence
• Being led on
• Long distance relationships
• The way nothing at all is certain (I thank Einstein for making me doubt science as well. Boo, Relativity.)
• Arguing
• Feeling lost and hopeless
• When you watch a movie for the second time and you really wish you could make the incoming bad thing not happen
• Stupidity
• Bacon

If you don't know or care you'll be alright

Heard it's modern to be stupid

                         You don't need a thought to look good

Waiting for Now

I had no intention of forgetting this little blog, and I have no one to apologize to but myself.  I still wish I could directly input what I feel and think onto paper, through words, but often it is a jumbled mess, not even coherent to me. My soul runs deep and all sorts of critters can be found within it. Some resemble pure and innocent angelfish, others the humorous clowns. But also there are angry piranhas, vicious sharks, and frightening angler-fish. I can't ever guarantee what will turn up, but regardless of it's shape or characteristics, it will always be a candid creature from that river. This time, I suppose being blunt will help me express myself better. I can be an emotional person, and I change my mind quite a bit. But I always say what I mean, and whatever I say, I mean it in my whole heart. I can't promise that I'll always feel that way, whether my words and impressions are positive or negative. In fact, they may very well change the next day. In the moment, however, I speak from my soul. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of those who have seen me a liar, for that was never the case; my truth is simply dynamic. If I said I was happy, I really was. If I said I was upset, I was down. If I told you I loved you, I only saw you. I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and heartbreak I've caused.


For this I live without regrets, because I would not be able to live with myself knowing I had lied about something more substantial than whether I had a piece of gum in class or not. Sorry, I don't always want to share my gum with the whole school.

You can't jump the track

We're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass

Glued to the table,

No one can find the rewind button now,

So cradle your head in your hands