Every day, I learn something new. It's not always something academic, per se, or something that will advance me in what we've decided is "practical" in society. But every day has it's own rewards and challenges, no matter what form the day takes.
How many times have we wondered why we are here, what's the purpose of living? Pain seems to last so much longer than happiness. Happy memories themselves can conjure grief and disappointment. Why? What do we gain from going from one hurt to the next, continuing only in hopes for that rare glimmer of contentment? Zoologists and biologists study animals, and with almost each characteristic they find in a species, it serves an evolutionary purpose. How does continual negativity help us survive, grow, reproduce, and improve as humans?
Perhaps these tendencies towards darkness are vestigial, like wisdom teeth and appendixes. Unfortunately, we can't cut away parts of our psyches and hearts like we can extra organs. There have been attempts in the past (remember Walter Freeman, the American lobotomist?) which resulted in horrendous consequences. No, I believe we are supposed to live with the whole range of emotions and feelings possible, even though their functions aren't always clear.
In today's world of psycho-active medication, psychiatry, and technology; it's hard to discern a healthy mind. I battle with the concept of mental illness; part of me believes all of us have psychological anomalies which can be coined as sicknesses, but another thinks these differences and inconsistencies are all part of the normal neurological and psychological spectrum (except for the obvious, extreme cases.) In comparison, we wouldn't say a person with blonde hair and blue eyes is diseased because they don't have the darker features of the masses (but we might make that distinction if we believed in a Hitler-esque master race.)
This ambivalence, along with the constant feel of psychological effects, is among the many factors that drive me toward the field of psychiatry. It is the coalescence of the medical, chemical, and abstract properties of the mind. Seeing as my mind dictates just about everything for me, from what and when I want to eat to intense emotional outbursts, it makes sense for me to desire to understand it and how it works the way it does. Such understanding, coupled with the experiences of living, should bring greater stability to my life and emotions, as well as teach me how deal with any situation concerning myself or other people.
I digress, but my endeavor is to create something out of the pain I feel from life's realities. A longstanding lesson, motivation, and/or a more open mind are all the pleasant rewards of a broken heart or a beaten-down mind. I can survive hurt because each day it lessens just a bit, and in hurt I find what I need to achieve happiness.
