Disclaimer: I do not intend to offend anyone. I want understanding for all.. I'm just trying to express things the way I see them the best way I know how.
I don't really think there are more than two genders. I understand someone being agender, but I think non-binary people are still a combination of the two binary genders. Gender is a social construct built around expectations and norms for two sexes. Just two. Just two chromosomes, X and Y.
Any defect in sex chromosomes still contains only X and/or Y. There's no third Z chromosome. And in a similar way, I think all non-binary identities (and I mean actual, inherent identities, not the psychologically-deceived ones such as "I am physically a plant") are but some combination or absence of the two genders.
I'm not trying to say that non-binary identities don't exist, or that these are trivial or false identities. No, none of that. I support breaking down walls! But I think breaking down walls doesn't create a new population, but a combination of the two that were separated*.
*Which, yeah, I guess creates a new one, but it's still derived from the same two parents.
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I guess I write because I want to immortalize my thoughts. They feel like they'll be here forever, but I know better than that. I'm a biologist. I'm also deluded enough to think my thoughts matter. But maybe one day I'll be famous, even post-mortem. Maybe I'll have some sort of grandchildren (not biological, of course) who will want to look back. Or maybe the internet will crash and all of this will be lost.
It makes me feel better in the moment though.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Fur Elise
My therapist told me I have ADD, so naturally I went to see my doctor. He didn't believe me, because I've done well in school, and because I have depression. So I'm being sent to a psychiatrist again. He suggested the psychiatrist that I had previously gone to, but I have no desire to see him because he doesn't understand me whatsoever. All he did was over-medicate me and tell me to lose weight when I was obviously gaining weight from the testosterone.
When did Google become just as knowledgeable as a doctor with a degree? Yes, I know I did well in school before college. Yes, I know I have depression. But what about the fact that people with attention deficit disorders are six times more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety? And what about the fact that ADD is under-diagnosed in people with high IQ's, especially when they don't have hyperactivity?
I did well in school, but honestly I never felt I had to try. Everything was easy. I didn't have to pay attention because the important parts of class were repeated seventeen hundred times and were explicitly written out on study guides. I never understood why other people struggled with school; it was so simple. Everything was also very structured. Get up at 6:30, get to school by 8, get home by 3:30, do homework immediately.
Now, every day is different, and teachers don't repeat themselves. My homework is online, but so is an infinite digital universe which almost always is more compelling than WebAssign. Zoning out has repercussions now, so I have to shift into a state of hyperfocus during class and tests and hope that whatever song is stuck in my head at the time is quiet enough to let me think.
School is half an hour away, not less than 5 minutes by car. So it sucks when I forget my lunch or water bottle at home. And whenever I have to move from building to building, I have a moment of pre-panic as I search every pocket to make sure I still have my keys, phone, wallet, etc. because I can't remember where I put them a few seconds ago.
I thought the open form of the classes I'm taking this semester, with very little required homework, was going to be a good thing. Instead, I do nothing for days because the due dates for the few assignments I do have are weeks away. I've discovered that on my good days, I really love math. But when I can't focus, and I start falling behind (or at least falling behind where I should be), it becomes a unique Hell that can drive me to tears.
Disorganization? You should see my room. I get very flustered when I have a lot to do and unless I immediately put a meeting or appointment into my phone, I will not remember it the next day. I generally remember when I have homework, but anything beyond the realm of school risks slipping into the realm of oblivion.
My mind is constantly wandering, if it's not blank in a tired lull. I may notice everything or nothing at all. While I make many observations that I keep to myself because they're too random or trivial for conversation, I also make many stupid mistakes which keeps me obsessively checking my work (if I have the motivation and energy to look it over.) I get bored so easily, and would rather play with my fingernails or rub my face than do what I need to do.
That's not it, and in my head there are plenty of other things I could talk about, but my interest in writing is waning. I'm just so sick of clueless doctors not knowing how to treat patients beyond their textbook profiles. I'm nobody's typical case; there's not an average bone in my body and there never will be.
When did Google become just as knowledgeable as a doctor with a degree? Yes, I know I did well in school before college. Yes, I know I have depression. But what about the fact that people with attention deficit disorders are six times more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety? And what about the fact that ADD is under-diagnosed in people with high IQ's, especially when they don't have hyperactivity?
I did well in school, but honestly I never felt I had to try. Everything was easy. I didn't have to pay attention because the important parts of class were repeated seventeen hundred times and were explicitly written out on study guides. I never understood why other people struggled with school; it was so simple. Everything was also very structured. Get up at 6:30, get to school by 8, get home by 3:30, do homework immediately.
Now, every day is different, and teachers don't repeat themselves. My homework is online, but so is an infinite digital universe which almost always is more compelling than WebAssign. Zoning out has repercussions now, so I have to shift into a state of hyperfocus during class and tests and hope that whatever song is stuck in my head at the time is quiet enough to let me think.
School is half an hour away, not less than 5 minutes by car. So it sucks when I forget my lunch or water bottle at home. And whenever I have to move from building to building, I have a moment of pre-panic as I search every pocket to make sure I still have my keys, phone, wallet, etc. because I can't remember where I put them a few seconds ago.
I thought the open form of the classes I'm taking this semester, with very little required homework, was going to be a good thing. Instead, I do nothing for days because the due dates for the few assignments I do have are weeks away. I've discovered that on my good days, I really love math. But when I can't focus, and I start falling behind (or at least falling behind where I should be), it becomes a unique Hell that can drive me to tears.
Disorganization? You should see my room. I get very flustered when I have a lot to do and unless I immediately put a meeting or appointment into my phone, I will not remember it the next day. I generally remember when I have homework, but anything beyond the realm of school risks slipping into the realm of oblivion.
My mind is constantly wandering, if it's not blank in a tired lull. I may notice everything or nothing at all. While I make many observations that I keep to myself because they're too random or trivial for conversation, I also make many stupid mistakes which keeps me obsessively checking my work (if I have the motivation and energy to look it over.) I get bored so easily, and would rather play with my fingernails or rub my face than do what I need to do.
That's not it, and in my head there are plenty of other things I could talk about, but my interest in writing is waning. I'm just so sick of clueless doctors not knowing how to treat patients beyond their textbook profiles. I'm nobody's typical case; there's not an average bone in my body and there never will be.
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