Rails

I looked at the globe, surrounded by a larger sphere with certain star groups on it.  And I thought, "Wow, that's not even close to it. I am so small. We are so small. What do we mean, in the grand scheme of things? Who are we to blow everything up to this great proportion, when we really mean so little? What's the point, in the history of everything, to even make an effort? Success is relative, and what may be accomplished in my school may not be in another, and what may be considered successful may be average in another country, and what about another world? Another solar system?"

Yes, we're definitely small. I am very small, 5'2''. But to each other we are big.  People matter; maybe not in the big scope of things, but we don't see things through such giant eyes. Our eyes are about 2.5in in diameter and that's what we view our world out of, so yeah, we see small things as large. So on this scale we make things matter, like dolls in a dollhouse, pretending our own world is the most important. To us, it is. For this reason, I will never, ever give up. 

I had a long, tiring day, not particularly difficult, but busy. I had very little downtime compared to my usual day. It was a great day, really.  I spoke with my math teacher, who I have a new found respect for, and he reignited my dream of going to Harvard.  No one from this school has gone to Harvard, and that's always been my first choice, my dream school. I gave up on it, because it was too expensive, too prestigious, too big, too whatever; but this algebra teacher reinforced a confidence that had been buried deeper within me than I originally thought. I now have even more reason to excel, to go above and beyond, to stand out and live these last few years to my greatest potential.


I'm fairly certain I got a job at the hospital too..Working in the cafeteria, but it's a job, and it's at a hospital! I couldn't think of a better minimum wage to engage in :) I get to see patients, and maybe, just maybe, help provoke a smile or two. 


In other news, I'm also getting an interview with BBBS, and I really do hope they match me to a Little. I'm a full-time big sister, I might as well share it with another deserving child. My heart is big and there's plenty to give to those who need.

I am strong. I can say no when I need to. I will not be taken advantage of. I know when I need to move on. Holding onto memories of the past, trying to convince myself things will ever be the same, is taking for granted today, and tomorrow. I'm ready to live, not just remember. I don't understand why you try so hard when I've been more than clear; I'm absolutely done. I don't need you, and quite honestly, I don't care if you need me, because you missed your chance.  I kind of hope you regret it for a long time. Goodbye. I foresaw this. Funny. "Today I miss you, tomorrow you miss me. You'll be just another face in the crowd."  Hello, Tomorrow, how have you been?

(Excuse my poor English, I'm quite tired and in a hurry. I just had to get these thoughts down, as raw and uncut as they are.)

 You wont break my armor
I will never surrender