Another draft

Should I study the biology of humans, as I find a great pull to, it will not be because I love them. I will study them because I am fascinated by them. My findings will not be for the improvement of man's life; they will fulfill my own selfish human desire for knowledge. I don't want to help man. I just want to know him.

With my misanthropy, I sincerely hope my interests are drawn elsewhere. I wish that my passions lead me to the microscopies of the zoological world, that I can study the way a perfect creature functions. Humans are some blemish, borne of the strangest causes. Why are we here? How are we here? I don't follow those religious ideologies for the answers to such question; most people's spiritualities are only as corrupted as the minds they were spawned of. Religion is an escape from what we don't want to think about, what we don't want answered. What happens when life ceases? Well God has an answer for that and now you can sleep at night.

Should there be a God, he is closer yet farther than we think. He or she or it is the energy between atoms. It is the life force that makes a mammal breathe, a bird fly, a cell quiver with metabolism. It isn't some savior waiting up above. There is no salvation unless we make it so. By our nature we bring pain upon ourselves, and no one but ourselves, or perhaps death, will save us.

What makes the common man so holy that he ignores the flight of a robin or the wind between branches? Why are we above watching a cat sleep or sitting outdoors with the grass beneath us, only physically? This man that we have evolved into is a bad man. He is a sick mutation of something that may have meant well to the planet. We are not worthy of this home. We do not belong. To live only to desecrate and exploit is not a life of any value.

This rape, we strange creatures, we don't reserve it for the natural world around us. We use each other too. There is no kinship, no love between people. Wolves may feed on smaller animals, but they are loyal to one another. Humans feed on smaller animals and each other.

I'm not sure what I want from life, or what I expect. I will not however for one second pretend that I am ok with the state of the world, humanity, and society. I may be human, but I am not like the others.